I didn’t plan to “live blog” this election. I never planned to ever blog anything political, ever. But I’m sitting here at the kitchen counter tonight at 8:04PM, with a sick feeling in my stomach and I don’t know how else to process what is happening.
Saying, “I don’t understand” over and over doesn’t seem to be helping. But that’s all I’ve got. I don’t understand.
States are turning red and I don’t understand.
I don’t understand how come this election is even a close one. I don’t understand how come so many logical people who I love and respect are voting/have voted for him. I don’t understand how come someone who is a self-proclaimed rapist; a sexist, racist, arrogant asshole has gotten this far in the first place. I don’t understand what American values are anymore.
Maybe it’s because my close-knit community is full of people who work in student affairs, who value things like social justice, who love all people. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman. Maybe it’s because I have dreams. Maybe it’s because I’m sitting here texting some of my best friends in the whole world and my heart hurts for them too, in many different ways. Maybe it’s because I work in education. Maybe it’s because I want little girls to grow up seeing a woman in The Oval Office. Maybe it’s because I want to see a woman in The Oval Office
As a white person, I also don’t understand how it feels to be a person of color watching this unfold. I don’t understand how it feels to identify as anything other than heterosexual and be watching the states turn red. I don’t understand how it feels to be anything other than me tonight, but I still can’t make sense of any of it.
This is not the kind of history that I want to be watching unfold tonight. I still have hope. I am still with her. But even when Hillary wins, I’m not sure I’ll ever understand what I’ve seen so far tonight.